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Joke of the Day
"Kanye running for president."
Next Joke
"There's no attraction quite as strong as tomato sauce & a white shirt"
"*Hands girl a card that says Be Mine* Girl: Aw that's so sweet *Pulls out a pickaxe* Me: Come on, do it I need some iron ASAP lady!"
"What's the difference... What's the difference between a colostomy bag and a politician? The bag isn't always full of shit!"
"So many brave flute players were killed by cobras in picnic baskets before one of them tried an Indian song."
"My Executive Director said to me ""Well aren't you an eager beaver"" I was like ""Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???"""
"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."
"My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely."
"It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time."
"I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring."