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Joke of the Day
"What is the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a Headcrab? Nothing."
Next Joke
"Where do football directors go when they are fed up ? The bored room !"
"[sees some cut grass] ""Nice"" [sees some ripped leaves] ""oh yea"" [sees a twig with a 6 pack] ""holy shit"""
"No, YOUUU had a kid just so you could have someone to eat pizza and play video games with"
"If you need a fake British pub name for an elaborate lie the formula is Animal+Gardening tool= we had a proper laugh at the Frog&Shovel mate"
"I met a Japanese mathematician yesterday Japanese Mathematician: ""Acknowledge my presence, zero"" Me: ""Can you elaborate in mathematical terms?"" Japanese Mathematician: ""Notice me sin(pi)"""
"Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him.."
"Whenever I meet a girl with tattoos, I get excited. Because I know she's legal and willing to do stuff she may regret."
"TIL Michael Jackson was a huge GW Bush campaign contributor. He thought GW said ""Leave no child's behind"""
"[being chased round my house by a murderer] ME: PLEASE STOP THIS IS SENSELESS MURDERER: What? ME: [puts Fitbit on] Ok carry on"