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Joke of the Day

"""I can't stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates."" --Stephen Hawking"

"What's the difference between an apple? A bike because a vest has no sleeves."

"A gay and a lesbian are going to the airport. Who gets there first? The lesbian. She got there lickity split while the gay guy was still packing his shit."

"I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper."

"All about a Girl and you...! If girl is with you - Restaurant Bill If girl is far from you - Mobile bill If girl is separated from you - Than Bar Bill. Moral - No Girl - No Bills!"

"Kim on FB needs help deciding if the snot in her kid's nose is from allergies or not. His Dr. says yes, but she really needs your opinion."

"I can't believe Prince & Muhammad Ali died from the same thing... ...being overrated."

"Damn girl are you a Reddit trend? Because I just want to fit in.."

"Did you know that trampolines used to actually be called jumpolines? That is, until 1982 when your mom got on one."

"No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant."