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Joke of the Day

"What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster? Cook-a-doodle-do!"

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"[Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*"

"What did the blind man say to the blind man? Long time no see."

"I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office."

"I'm gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It'll be called ""John Sinclair's john and sink lair"""

"I went to the taxidermist yesterday... I asked him how many bags of sawdust it will take to stuff my deceased flamingo and pig. He said, ""Two in the pink and one in the stink""."

"How is the Torah like Kidz Bop? It's for yids, by yids!"

"What did the little Chinese boy get for Christmas? Rice."

"Thanks for saying 'on your mobile' in your bio, for a moment I thought you might be tweeting like me, from a calculator in the psych ward"