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Joke of the Day

"""Hire me or I'll eat your family."" -effective bear resume"

"There's nothing worse than when you tell someone it's a long story and they reply with ""I have time."""

"Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most women wear makeup and most men lie."

"I used to have dreams... then I became an insomniac"

"Did you hear about the beef jerky manufacturer who was convicted of fraud? It was a cut and dry case."

"Did you hear about the guy who wanted to put OJ Simpson's knife on display? He was caught trying to frame it"

"What has four wheels and flies ? A rubbish bin !"

"7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert."

"Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes WHACK! ""Damn."" A bad skydiver goes ""Damn."" WHACK!"

"So, we're arguing and I've suddenly realized I don't agree with a word I'm saying. Which really ups the degree of difficulty for winning."