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Joke of the Day
"I can see myself going up in the world... The mirror in the elevator is pretty shiny."
Next Joke
"When I was young, sticking my tongue out to someone was like giving them the middle finger."
"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"
"What did the Atlantic say to the Pacific? Nothing. It just waved."
"How is being a Jew like eating a burrito? It's really not a problem until they give you gas."
"Why do people in France have to eat frog legs that ""taste like chicken""? If they eat real chicken they'll be arrested for cannibalism. Edit: grammar"
"What do you call a vegetable that's kinda cool? Rad-ish."
"Husband getting dressed: Me: Purple and green don't go together. Husband: It works for the Joker. Me: My point exactly."
"You say pigs can't fly... but swine flu!"
"if God exists it's probably a woman no man holds a grudge for this long"