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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a starfish shine? Drop it in sparkling water."

"14: what could happen? Me: you could get her pregnant. 14: im not comfortable putting my dingaling in her thingaling Me:*writes suicide note"

"I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside."

"It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church."

"What do you call a guy with a one inch penis? Justin."

"[to other patients in psychiatrist's waiting room] I'm not like you people. This is court mandated."

"Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, ""how to purchase a baby elephant?""*"

"when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak"

"What is the friend zone? It's the space between girlfriend and girl friend."

"The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm ""no longer allowed in the library""."