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Joke of the Day

"Texting someone back while driving just means that you love them enough to actually die for them."

"Michael J Fox got a new restaurant endorsement deal... Shakey's"

"I pulled my cow's udder, but nothing came out. He's a milk dud."

"I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now. It's really pissing me off. It asks me, ""Where do you want to go?"" So I click on the 'Home' icon and it starts all over again."

"Hey, Schumi that slope looks pretty steep! Nah, I'll rock this shit!"

"Why did the polish navy start putting glass floors on their boats? So every time they went out to sea, they could look at their old ships."

"How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it doesn't screw."

"When I got depressed, I joined the Army. I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on."

"What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks? Silicon Valley. [Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3h6bld/kim_kardashians_butt/)"

"You are what you think you are Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."