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Joke of the Day
"Texting someone back while driving just means that you love them enough to actually die for them."
Next Joke
"My wife told be that I don't understand the concept of irony. Which was ironic because we were in the car at the time."
"Little kid next to me on a plane just ate the preservative packet out of his jerky, looked at me and said, ""Don't tell my mom."""
"Friend: How's the wine? Me: It's exCHARDONNARY Friend: *taking my glass away* No."
"Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring."
"*shoots self in foot* ""Damn i like the metaphor better"""
"I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith."
"Why do giraffes have a great love life? Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart."
"Old age is nothing but a computer with 1000 GB of memory running on a celeron processor"
"Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold."