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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building? 20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*"

"Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight & the pointer keeps gliding back & forth between the H & the A. It's been over an hour."

"Called a plumber out the other day. He was Chinese. Called a builder, he was also Chinese. Called an electrician out. He was Chinese as well ! Bloody Yellow Pages"

"Anyone know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? You know, besides the taste."

"Teacher: Are you good at math? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Yes I'm no good at math!"

"What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray? HDMI"

"Revere rides a horse saying ""The British are Coming""and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming ""look at me""and it's probation?"

"I had a dream That the most beautiful plate of salmon with lemon zest and crusted parmesan was in front and before I could dig in I woke and saw it was my wife's leg spread open."

"How did the pastry chef do on the donut-making exam? She passed with frying crullers."

"A vegan, an atheist, and a Crossfitter all walk into a bar. I should know, they all told me."