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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building? 20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*"

"When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house."

"We all have someone's phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!"

"The Doctor stuck a finger in my bum... For a prostate exam. He said ""All's fine."" I said ""Stick another finger in there, please."" He asked ""why?"" I said ""I want a second opinion."""

"How is Budweiser like Making Love in a Canoe? It's Fucking Close to Water."

"A friend of mine died from a sore throat... ... Th**e**y hung him!"

"""Well guys, I gotta get going."" -Why? ""My wife hits me if I don't wash the dishes."" -And you *let* her hit you? ""OF COURSE NOT!!! I always wash them."""

"It's a bit drizzy out there... Expect a li'l wayne"

"Just ordered a non-fat pumpkin spice latte & now I drive a Prius & am a Zumba instructor."

"What's the difference between a light bulb and my pregnant girlfriend? I can unscrew a lightbulb."