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Joke of the Day

"Going from Obama to Trump is like going to a nice restaurant but it's full so u leave and have to eat an old ketchup packet from ur car"

"If your boss says ""Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you supposed to be in at 8am?"" don't correct them. Its a trap. They hate being wrong."

"What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated? Juan and a half"

"News said how hard it'd be to shoplift a turkey. Amateurs. It's all about commitment. *stuffs turkey under shirt* *whines that back hurts*"

"What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding? ""Speed is relative, officer."""

"Control this is astronaut Douglas sending transmission from the Milky Way..we have no signs of chocolate..or caramel..I'd like to come home"

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years time... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"A baby was born laughing really hard with it's fists closed! The confused Doctor unfolded it's tiny fingers, & found a birth control pill."

"Why is Iran called Iran? Because when I saw the bombs, I*ran*"

"I can't believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment"