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Joke of the Day
"What did Einstein say when he was pulled over for speeding? ""Speed is relative, officer."""
Next Joke
"I fear for the calendar... ...its days are numbered."
"""you should be more serious, sir. this is arson."" ""no this is MY son!"" *tousles his hair* ""ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"""
"What did the lesbian mushroom say to the other lesbian mushroom during oral sex? Umami."
"Why does the dwarf laugh when he runs? Cause the grass tickles his balls..."
"Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs? Me: You mean like the band?"
"""Son, you can practice the sex on holes in trees"" ""DAD?!"" [next day] ""Where you going with that broom handle?"" ""Checkin for squirrels"""
"Area man gains z axis, becomes volume man, won't stop yelling"
"ok so, imagine star wars but instead of space it's brooklyn n uh instead of cool space guys, it's lena dunham complaining about stuff"
"My childhood was pretty traumatizing... for my parents."