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Joke of the Day

"How much lube does the Hamburglar need to fuck his kinky girlfriend? About a quart to pound her with cheese."

"It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, ""We hate corn."""

"Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy"

"If your bio says ""Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman"" I'm assuming you misspelled ""Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds."""

"Police Officer: ""Turn around!"" Me: *sings* ""Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."""

"Sex. Don't get it? good, you never will."

"I'm working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die."

"Closed letter to the mods of r/Jokes... O"

"Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids."

"What's the difference between Ray Rice's wife and a fish? A fish can take a left hook."