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Joke of the Day

"Police Officer: ""Turn around!"" Me: *sings* ""Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."""

"What's the difference between Jews and a bullet? The bullet comes out of the chamber."

"My entire family is prone to diarrhea... ...It runs in our jeans. EDIT: typo"

"I was shopping for shoes for my imaginary friend He was a size 10i"

"Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows!"

"Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs."

"You don't have to seduce me with restraining orders and joyrides on the hood of your car, you had me at. ""No, I was waving at my friend."""

"*tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch"

"Maybe the seventh time around I'll feel different about finding something I want to eat if I glance in the fridge just once more."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog? On a hedgehog the pricks are on the outside."