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Joke of the Day

"I just sneezed while eating a salad and the button popped off my jeans Which proves my theory: nothing good can ever come from eating salad"

"You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet."

"I used to be a rubbish collector. Now I'm pretty good."

"Why was Kermit chased by nazis as a kid? He was a Tad-Pole"

"Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you're not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh- *quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*"

"Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat."

"A list of my favorite sex jokes. I don't have any..."

"What's the difference between a Private and a Private First Class? Where they sit on an airplane."

"Q: How do librarians file melted marshmallows? A: According to the Gooey Decimal System."

"My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed ""I hate you!"" and she gently replied ""I know. It doesn't matter."""