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Joke of the Day

"A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, Doc, I'm horribly sick! The doctor looks at her and asks, flu? No, I drove here."

"I met a beautiful girl when I went on vacation a few years ago... We got along great and she even showed me her boobs. I don't know why I brought it up, it's a distant mammary."

"Never judge a book by its cover. Besides, you're on Twitter and don't even read books."

"[sees cute girl at the bar] ok it's go time [makes accidental eye contact with her while pumping myself up with some lunges] dammit. abort"

"Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you! Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?"

"Hard to watch The Flintstones these days... What with their drive-in movie theatres and caveman bowling alleys, it just feels so dated..."

"I want to die of natural causes like being stabbed to death by a rainforest."

"What do you get when you put a woman's face on a $10 bill? $2.23 in change."

"Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch? A: A guitarist who'd told too many drummer jokes."

"Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? Thousands of souls were lost"