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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the slow chef at the speed bake off? He would have won if he had just a little more thyme."

"Where is the lift? American: You mean the elevator? English: Yes, we call it a lift. American: It's called an elevator. We invented it. English: And we invented the language."

"How do you tell if your girlfriend's ticklish? You give her a test tickle."

"You're riding a horse full speed, a man on a giraffe at your side, and a ferocious lion in hot pursuit. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel."

"ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal"

"What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum? It drives me nuts."

"Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park people try to ride HER!"

"A dating site that connects Tupperware containers with lost lids."

"If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling ""IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!"

"I've discovered a magical land through the back of the wardrobe, it's inhabitants are similar to my neighbours, albeit a lot more hostile."