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Joke of the Day

"Where is the lift? American: You mean the elevator? English: Yes, we call it a lift. American: It's called an elevator. We invented it. English: And we invented the language."

"I can't stand holocaust jokes, they hit too close to home. My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He fell off one of the watchtowers"

"Friend: ""I just blew a speaker in my car."" Me: ""Which kind?"" Friend: ""Motivational."""

"""Why aren't you wearing a coat?""""Coats are for pussies.""My mother asks too many questions."

"There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: ""ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU"". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right."

"I found a cheap prosthetic arm on Craigslist Secondhand"

"Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming? Nuclear winter"

"I had a failed amputation... Costed me an arm and a leg."

"Not sure why, but even when I shower alone, I still get a little nervous when I drop the soap."

"Its Valentines Day...If u r married go & kiss your wife or husband , if u have a gfbf ..do the same ..n if u r single, kiss the ground and thank GOD !! =)). HAPPY VALENTINES DAY"