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Joke of the Day

"A judge had sex with an underage boy... Reports say the judge is not going to face any charges. He tried him as an adult"

"What does a mobster buried in cement eventually become? A hardened criminal."

"Her: is the game almost over? Me: this is just the first half Her: uggghh how many more halves are there? Me: you're pretty"

"Did you hear about the fight at the homeless camp yesterday? It was in tents."

"2 antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent."

"What happens if I make a cake with washing soda, not baking soda? You end up clean round the bend. Apologies for stealing the title from /r/science"

"My favorite thing to do after a nap is immediately take a second one."

"Me: *eating 3rd Twix of the day* Her: You eat too much candy, you're going to make me a widow Me: *orders 10 truckloads & cancels all plans*"

"How to tell if your kid is doing drugs 1. Are your drugs missing?"

"What do you call a zoo enclosure without any change? A nickeless cage."