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Joke of the Day

"People who speak who speak 3 languages are trilingual People who speak 2 languages are bilingual. People who speak 1 language are Americans."

"I'd like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn't have done this without you"

"Drive down the middle of my street and make me squeeze by you, so I know who to murder first when the apocalypse hits."

"How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?? A Brazilian"

"I bet most of business school is spent teaching students how to confidently swivel in big leather chairs."

"You're a dog person? *Throws a stick* Well? Aren't you going to run after it or are you cool with being a normal human that's also a liar?"

"Thank God for nipples... Without it..... Boobs would be pointless"

"What is it called when Batman wants to leave Church early? Christian Bale."

"Do you wish you were always broke? Are you tired of having a thriving social life? Is too much sleep boring you? Parenthood. It's for you"

"Why are Sharks the only species that get their own week? I'd totally watch hermit crab week if they had one."