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Joke of the Day

"I put the ""arse"" in ""arsenic"". I also put the ""arsenic"" in your ""morning coffee"". Revenge is best served with a donut."

"If my dying plant is any indication, I probably don't water my dog enough... Oh fuck, where's my kid?"

"What's the best way to reward a fat waitress? Cow tipping."

"I love children, especially when they cry and someone takes them away."

"What's Brian David Mitchell's favorite movie? Get Smart"

"How many x does it take to change a lightbulb? f(x), where f(x) = the optimal number of x for establishing a humorous stereotype."

"Nigel Farage walks into a bar Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves."

"What do you call a man with a small penis? Justin"

"What's the similarity between a smart employee and a perfect volleyball hit? They're both fine assets!"

"What does a man keep in his pants that often pokes the hole it's poked before? His keys, you filthy-minded bastard."