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Joke of the Day

"[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it's the right amount."

"I like to write ""made you look"" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots."

"Why aren't there any black people in the Air Force? They're still afraid of hangars."

"How to end world hunger ? By letting the hungry die."

"Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets."

"Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really? Which one? Fred: A Saint Bernard."

"HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot"

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"Why I never get drinks at the bar with my dog... I'm afraid of getting woofied."

"[Me at job interview] And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?"