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Joke of the Day

"I decided to get my girlfriend & her sister new jackets for Christmas That is why I bought a pair of new gloves."

"I must admit, my ""Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus"" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car."

"I want to open a clock shop... The commercials will say: ""I sell some of the finest wrist timepieces around. Don't believe me? Just watch."""

"A Conductor ... What do you call a part time conductor ?? . . . a *semiconductor*"

"What's the opposite of critical thinking? Critical theory."

"'Benjamin Button.' 'BENJAMIN WHO?' 'Benjamin' 'WHO'S THERE?' 'Knock knock!'"

"Where do the stinky penguins live? Antfartica"

"The chef asked me how I liked my eggs and I accidentally said uneasy instead of over easy. Now I have some uncomfortable eggs staring at me."

"Cooking tip: You can almost always substitute Nutella for a serious relationship."

"Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left? Repeat. Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left?"