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Joke of the Day

"Someone stole my mood ring the other day... I still don't know how I feel about it"

"""No more Mr Nice Guy"" ~ Mr Nice Guy's eulogy"

"If I ran the world, I would enforce a police state where everyone would have to weigh-in before being allowed to order food."

"Thought my Siamese twin was giving me the cold shoulder. Turns out he was dead."

"Michigan is the First State to Welcome Back Sub-$1 Gas Just flip on your water faucet and you'll get it for free"

"I cuss around my kids so they understand proper useage, timing and inflection. Vocabulary is power."

"What do you do when two lesbians make out in front of you in a bus? You get off."

"Did you hear about that promising new male porn star? His studio described him as ""up and cumming""."

"Pac-Man What should you do before you criticize Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes."

"Q: Why are the citizens of Damascus so solemn when talking about oil? A: Because it's Syria's business. (cross-post from /r/funny by request)"