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Joke of the Day

"Crap happens Called in sick to work cause I had a stomach ache and felt constipated. Got fired. Couldn't give a crap even if I wanted to."

"How many days are there in Canadian February? About Twenty, eh."

"I've been trying to give myself a sexchange... but I just can't pull it off."

"What noise does a Nintendo ambulance make? Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u"

"Why is called a Pap Smear? Sounds better than a Cunt Scrape"

"*walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy."

"What would you call a Pokemon Trainer if they were Jewish? Ashe."

"Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she's always been neon yellow."

"Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait."

"What is the difference between Emo teenagers and your lawn? Your lawn won't cut itself."