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Joke of the Day

"Why did the zombie get a gym membership? Gaaaainsss"

"Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days."

"NHK reported on the massive American erection yesterday... and apparently there will be a bigger one in two years."

"The best part about dating a homeless girl You can drop her off anywhere."

"What do you call a person with a nose but no body? Nobody knows"

"What do you call 500 dead lawyers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A good start"

"How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humour. Edit: Wow this blew up. As a German, I didnt expect this."

"You don't need to put ""narcissist"" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying."

"DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser"

"I sat next to a hot girl on bus and thought: Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection. ... ... But she did. :<"