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Joke of the Day

"[showing people around museum] and if u look to ur left you'll see a bunch of uppity people who get reaaal weird when you lick the paintings"

"An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme Fortunately, it was foiled."

"How can you get a million dollars in a week? Start with 10 million and become a day-trader."

"Yay it's payday! *pays bills That was short lived."

"What does a neckbeard call a disease or ailment? ma'lady"

"Why don't black people go on cruise ships? They're not falling for that one again."

"Mom says to Dad: ""I've found a BDSM magazine under our son's bed. What are we supposed to do about it?"" Dad replies: ""I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."""

"It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog"

"Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment."

"Yo, Hillary, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish... ...but the World Trade Centre had one of the best collapses of all time! One of the best collapses of all time!"