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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is a watermelon."

"What happened at the Mr. Softee when someone spiked the syrups with Viagra? The whole place turned into a Hardee's."

"What do you call 9 idiots who laugh at repetitive joke? 9gag"

"In retrospect, when you look back at your own tweets, you cannot help but think how narcissistic you sound."

"After I orgasm, I yell ""Aaaaand scene."" Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say ""Ummm. We'll call u."""

"Whats the most common work of fiction? The average persons resume"

"Just realized, We stare at screens, have fake farms, cities and animals and poke people.Think about it. Facebook is a mental hospital and we're the patients."

"The girl at the Baskins-Robbins thinks Leonardo da Vinci was ""in that Titanic movie"". Now my ice cream tastes like stupid."

"[In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth...] EARTH: yo GOD: what? EARTH: send nudes GOD: *creates Adam & Eve* EARTH: nice"

"I used to steal other people's jokes.... I still do. But I used to too."