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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a VA Nurse and a bullet? A bullet only kills once."

"How many Apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one... but it takes a shitload of light bulbs."

"ACTORS: It's easy to appear blind. Look near but never at someone when you talk to them, and if anyone says ""Did you see that?"" say ""Nope""."

"You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!"

"The year is 42069. We've stopped changing the date, it's just always the year 42069 and people spell their names with emojis. It's awesome."

"A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic."

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then"

"Every time I have a big bowel movement I say thank you to my digestive system. For putting up with my shit."

"I woke my SO up with a bj. She didn't seem to appreciate it."

"Q: What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas? ... A: Mule-tide greetings."