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Joke of the Day

"If Excel had a record label.... It would be Excel ENT. I'll see myself out."

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."

"5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would ""have a piece of cheese and calm down"" So, yeah, she's mine."

"I don't want to sound too impressive, but my Sims character gets laid PRETTY FREQUENTLY."

"Bank robber: EVERYONE BE CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT Guy from back of room: IM DATING UR EX WIFE BR: [sobbing] ok only one person gets hurt"

"My kids just connected worlds in Minecraft. So now they can fight in a virtual universe too."

"[OC] Did you hear the one about the douchebag bodybuilder with the anal fissure? He's one ripped asshole."

"What do you call an anti-vaxxer? Greiving"

"I lost 15 pounds so far, another 15 to go, but... I do not want to get circumsized"

"Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar Bartender asks, ""What'll you have?"" They respond, ""Two shots, please."""