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Joke of the Day

"Hiding from people at parties is my cardio."

"INTERVIEWER: So, do you have any questions for me? ME: What's the Wi-Fi password? I: About the job M: What is the company Wi-fi password?"

"A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200."

"How do telepaths have an orgasm? They get their mind blown."

"So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an... But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned."

"girl: tough guys are hot Me: *hawk lands on my bare arm* I have a gauntlet I just never use it *hawk gnawing on my shoulder* I love this"

"Did you hear about the escaped gang of Jamaican stabbers? Poky mon. Gotta catch em all."

"The next time you are in a group and everyone is on their phones except you, go ahead and treat yourself to a fart. You earned it!"

"Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers? Click Turpin"

"For awhile I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!"