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Joke of the Day

"""Squad goals,"" I said, aloud, to nobody, as two rats helped each other move an entire bagel into a hole in the subway tracks"

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"Mandy was applying for a summer job. 'How old are you?' asked the owner of the store. 'I'm twelve years old Sir' answered Mandy. 'And what do you expect to be when you grow up ?' 'Twenty one Sir.'"
"Donald Trump's Vice President... ...Charlie Sheen, cause they will be Winning!"
"The Chinese New Year sure is a lot less ryanseacresty."
"What is Joan of Arc's least favorite food? Steak"
"What happens when you cross a fly and a mountain climber? Trick question, you can't cross a vector and a scalar."
"My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it."
"Believe what a plumber says They've seen some shit."
"Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach"""
"What does 80 year old pussy taste like? Depends."