53478

Joke of the Day

"11:30 - Sit on toilet, open Twitter. 11:54 - Try to stand, fall to floor with numb legs. 11:55 - Get comfortable on floor, open Twitter."

"I like to sit outside Barnes & Noble with my iPad and make caveman noises at the people coming out with real books."

"Some people say America is obese, but I blame our flag. Everyone knows that horizontal stripes make you look fatter."

"The boy was having trouble learning about computer memory. He kept forgetting everything."

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"Something about everything sucks."

"If an honest man says he has to use the bathroom He's full of shit."

"My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she's learned enough in school. She's 5."

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him ""a promising Rookie""."