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Joke of the Day

"The closest I've come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat."

"I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it."

"Did you here about the gay midget? He finally came out of the cabinet"

"Hey girl, on a scale of 'Neo's mind in the beginning of The Matrix' and 'Neo's mind at the end', how free are you tonight?"

"I wish my name was Grudge. This way my wife would hold on to me forever."

"I dated a really multicultural girl First she gave me a French kiss. Then she gave me an Australian kiss. I thought I'd show her I'm cultured too, so I gave her a Glasgow kiss."

"My girlfriend hired a midget to play the keyboards at my birthday party I think she misunderstood me. I did not say I wished I had a 12 inch pianist."

"BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen."

"Q: How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck? A: Trying to save both faces."

"My grandpa use to tell us about walking 10 miles to school. I tell my grandchildren about walking across the room to change channels!"