53343

Joke of the Day

"Waiter: And what would the lady like? Me: Waiter: Me: Waiter: Me: Date: Gigi, he means you. Me: *blushing* Oh, wow. He called me a lady."

"If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler"

"Its really disgusting how other white people dont even know about the plight of [quickly wikipedias ""Who is having alot of plight 2012]"

"Don't trust atoms, they make up everything."

"My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist. I told him to stop being so clothes minded"

"Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me."

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his soup before it was cool"

"What is a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton."

"Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: *adjusts beer helmet* no"

"I thought about making a sex tape the other day... ...until I realized it would just be a Vine."