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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you an alarm clock? Because no matter how many times I hit you you won't shut the fuck up."

"Did Donald Trump make the right choice when picking his running mate? It de-Pence on who you ask."

"If I ever have to choose who dies, my mother or my dog, Toby's gotta go... ...straight for the throat"

"I really dislike the ""N"" word... I don't even like saying vinegar."

"My girlfriend told me I was average... .. but I think she was just being mean..."

"What kind of batteries do stuttering Canadians use? Triple Eh's."

"[drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar] give me another ""haven't u had enough?"" i'll tell u when i've had enough! *bartender hands me another kitten*"

"What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke? That sounded a lot better in my head"

"A racist joke Donald Trump"

"To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes."