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Joke of the Day

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload."

"What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble ? A dollar."

"I'm doing the vacuuming.. It doesn't need doing but it's a legitimate way of annoying the kids"

"I took one of those online IQ tests ... And got a 404. I'm a super genius!"

"Life is a dick... It looks short, but it becomes longer when it gets hard."

"George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car, outside of a planned parenthood center? Having to go inside and ask for a coat-hanger."

"People who talk about me behind my back. You discussed me."

"When you realize you're enjoying the May weather... But you want Pacquiao to win..."

"The problem with Australia is that it's full of scary reptiles... Tony Abbot for example."