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Joke of the Day

"George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do."

"What to do with a child soldier lower your aim. someone i met who is in the army told me this is what his sergeant told them, he didnt intend it as a joke."

"I imported a Honda directly from Japan and was forced to pay a large tariff... ...that's OK though because it's my Civic duty."

"Why do lesbians always win against journalists? Scissors beats paper."

"[phone rings] Guy: is your refrigerator running? Me: yes my refrigerator is runn- Fridge [grabs phone]: hello? Yeah actually I do crossfit"

"The only difference between the people I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him."

"I think the little ledges in front of windows are silly."

"* thinks of a tweet before falling asleep * decided to remember a ""key word* so I can remember it * wakes up * forgot key word"

"Ugh, Amazon Prime takes two whole days for delivery. I wish there was a way I could buy things and get them immediately."

"Girlfriend My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. I said, 'Alright, fatty.'"