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Joke of the Day

"who lives in a pineapple in the back of the white van Spongebob, go meet him kids he has free candy, go and look"

"Two blondes walk into a bar The first one says ""Don't worry, I didn't see it either""."

"Asked my dad to explain how big a thousandth of an inch is. ""when you go for a deep ass scratch and you look at your finger and sure it may look clean, but then you smell it."""

"What is the difference between a Snowman and a Snow-woman? Snowballs."

"[my first day hosting shopping channel] ""for those of you who love coconut, boy do we have a product for you"" [holds up a coconut]"

"Why do they call it P.M.S.? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken."

"Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap? It was a birthday present from his wife!"

"I suspect my girlfriend is cheating on me Every time we have sex, she calls me Jesus. *Oh Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus , Oh Jesus!*"

"""that's me in the corner."" - r.e.m. explaining how facetime works"

"What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces? Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them."