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Joke of the Day

"You know what's great about being single ? Fucking everything"

"What did one banana say to another banana? I find you a-peeling"

"Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive."

"What's ET short for? Because he's only got little legs."

"I'd like to share a joke with you that my 2yo nephew told me. 2yo: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? 2yo: I don't know. *leaves"

"Poor Sally! Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock (who's there? ) Not Sally. Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere."

"An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis."

"What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien."

"What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?"

"I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I'm here to like' them."