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Joke of the Day

"My daughter said, ""You're the best mommy ever!"" I'm really proud that she's learning sarcasm at such a young age."

"Did you see the movie invisible? I couldn't"

"You're not cool if you have to tell people you're cool. I'm looking at you, Cool Whip."

"My kids operate the house under the HYDRA principle For every light I turn off, three more get turned on to take their place."

"Go sport ball! Game time! Yelling and outfits! Beer! You guys are bad! We are good! Sports yelling! Bright colors! #sports"

"What is a slut ? A woman with the morals of a man"

"Genie: ""You have 3 wishes."" Ian: ""I wish for everyone to be equal."" Genie: ""Okay. You have no wishes."""

"Me: Please wait to eat your Craisins until we're in the car *5 secs later Me: What're you eating? 5yo: *Mouthful of Craisins* ......Nothing"

"What do you call an interracial dwarf actor? A half cast"

"Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek are scaling down a mountain with a group of hikers. However, one of the safety clips snap. Who's in jeopardy?"