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Joke of the Day

"My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high but I take everything with a grain of salt."

"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."

"I went up to a sexy girl in a bar. I said, ""Would you like to come back to my place?"" ""I think you should ask my boyfriend first."" she smiled. I said, ""No thanks. I'm not gay."""

"What has 2 legs and bleeds......? ....half a dog."

"When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years."

"Did you hear about that hole in the wall of the strip club? The police are looking into it."

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""

"Patient And Doctor Joke Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"What do crocs and getting a blowjob from a guy have in common? They both feel great until you look down and realize you're gay."

"The US Government"