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Joke of the Day

"I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son. The pharmacist asked ""is your son sexually active?"" I replied with ""no he just lays there and cries."""

"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."

"'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS"

"Altoids has begun marketing to the LGBT community. Their new mints are bi-curiously strong."

"I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn't get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn't work upstairs.'"

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?"

"If you fall, I'll be there. Love, The floor."

"Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise. If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?"

"I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine's Day."

"What do you call a cheap boob job? A discount rack."