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Joke of the Day

"It says right on the redbull can: do not mix with alcohol. What do we do? We make jager bombs. We are not a species made to last."

"There were two muffins in an oven... One muffin said to the other, ""Boy, it's sure hot in here!"" The other muffin screamed ""AHHHH!!! A talking muffin!!!!!!!"""

"I'm confused. Celebrity comedians are paid millions of dollars... Yet the funniest people on the internet are janitors and stay-at-home moms."

"*on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh"

"Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me."

"Someone tried to sell me a coffin today... I told them its the last thing I need."

"I have a photographic memory it just hasn't developed yet"

"What is a ghost's favorite part of school? Spirit week."

"""I'll sleep when I die"" - person who doesn't really understand sleeping or dying."

"What do you call a hippo in Antarctica?! LOST!! (I'll show myself out now)"