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Joke of the Day

"What is better to be taken, than to be given? A shit"

"Slept like a baby last night Woke up every hour and just cried about my life."

"Did you hear the one about the tiny prisoner who went down the stairs? It's a little condescending. ;)"

"(commercial for drugs) Man: Nothing is working out in my life VO: Have you tried drugs? Man: (startled) Who said that Narrator: ""Drugs"""

"Not to brag, but I finished this 14 day diet... in 3 hours and 38 minutes."

"I posed nude for an artist once. *selfie stick"

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven when I take a nap."

"I'm throwing a party for people who can't ejaculate... Tell me if you can come."

"Apparently, Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer is divorced. I guess she was the only bitch he couldn't train."

"I used to be in a band called Cheap Viagra'. We didn't make it very big."