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Joke of the Day

"Nsfw Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? The zit waits untill you're 12 to come onto your face."

"Why is poo tapered? So your arse doesn't slam."

"When you get a 3D printer, don't mess around. Go straight to printing money."

"How are martinis like breasts? They are better shaken, not stirred. I usually have one in my hand. One is too few and three are two many."

"Why is one thousand million billion trillion so bad? It's very naughty"

"Guys, is it okay that I kinda hate the obsequious rhetorical questions people ask when they want to sound like a wry, world-weary populist?"

"What do you call a multiple choice dad joke? A pop quiz."

"If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy."

"I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted."

"How many people in America do you think I can trick into believing that Brexit is the name of one of Sarah Palin's kids?"