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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a multiple choice dad joke? A pop quiz."
Next Joke
"Just once I'd like to yell, ""Don't you know who I am?!"" because I'm important, not because I'm drunk and actually forgot."
"Birdie birdie in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye I didn't cry I didn't sigh I thank god cows can't fly"
"Two muffins are sitting in an oven one muffin looks at the other and says ""Man its hot in here"" the other muffin looks back ans says ""Holy Shit a talking Muffin"""
"I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot"
"Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel"
"Traveling with a four year old boy is like transferring a serial killer between prisons."
"Hillary and Bernie are on a boat Hillary and Bernie Sanders are on a boat. It's sinking. Who survives? America survives"
"Sorry I yelled ""SURPRISE!"" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises."
"You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic"