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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you fart in an apple car? It doesn't have windows."

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"[using Ouija Board] ""Will i ever find true love--"" ""NEW GHOST WHO DIS"""
"Long arm of the law Will have different meaning when Trump becomes president"
"[kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. ""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" Amazon. ""Why's it take 9 months?"" Shipping. Go to sleep."
"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Mostly the taste."
"Anyone who can tell if they're speeding up or slowing down a ceiling fan on the first try is a wizard and should not be trusted."
"Horton hears a who Horton hears a what Horton hears a chicka chicka slim shady Horton is listening to Eminem"
"I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer....... but I just thought that must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. ""Your dog really likes me!!!"" ""I'm so sorry."""
"Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night: Sup, girl?"
"How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?"