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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Mostly the taste."

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"A solid way to make your waiter's head explode is to order a grilled cheese with no bread."
"In The Oregonian, a Meier and Frank department store advertisement for women's bras and panties reads ""The perfect gift for that special woman in your life, or great to keep for yourself."""
"I like my women how I like my wine. Mellow, full bodied, and with a penis . . ."
"Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too."
"Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works."
"When a cow laughs..... does milk come out of her nose?"
"Top 3 screwdrivers: 1. Tool for turning screws 2. Vodka and orange juice 3. Method of Uber payment"
"*looks up from phone* ...nah *looks back down*"
"Spider just landed on my shoulder. I didn't want to kill it so I just fainted instead."