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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Mostly the taste."

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"Lady came to front door & asked if I'd donate to new pool they're building for kids. I told her to hang on & came back with a glass of water"
"I'm no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend."
"If an apple a day keeps the doctor away how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?"
"TIL a post won't be removed if it is in the wrong subreddit."
"I'd probably be broke by now if there was a website where you could pay to flirt with lobsters"
"My boss told me to have a good day so I went home."
"If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur."
"Thought of this one when i woke up today If someone injects Orange juice into their arm is it a Breakfix?"
"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing no clothes but covered head to toe in saran wrap The psychiatrist says ""I can clearly see your nuts"""