52154

Joke of the Day

"Ever find buried treasure in your grandpas backyard containing passports, Nazi uniforms, and a photo with Papa with the Fuhrer inside? Yeah."

"You're saying that the two people I don't want for president, one is in poor health? I'm voting for the dying one."

"A lot of the parents at my kids' school don't really seem into sharing a laugh about the inescapability of death."

"John and Nancy sitting in a tree, H-I-D-I-N-G-F-R-O-M-T-H-E-L-O-C-A-L-A-U-T-H-O-R-I-T-I-E-S-B-E-C-A-U-S-E-T-H-E-Y-K-I-L-L-E-D-A-D-O-G"

"""Chivalry isn't dead,"" I say, watching one zombie hold the door open for another."

"Friday!!! I'm so glad you are back. I'm sorry you had to see me with Monday-Thursday, but I swear I was thinking of you the whole time."

"To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run!"

"Why did the apple pie get fired from his job? Because he showed up baked."

"If you ever feel useless... Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals."

"Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues"