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Joke of the Day

"Tweeting with an egg avatar is like showing up to a job interview in a sweatsuit."

"What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight? Don't look! I'm changing!"

"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"

"Whats the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause."

"In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine."

"Apparently a lion has won a talent show in South Africa The judges said it had roar talent"

"""It's obviously not real, you dumb impressionable twats"" ...every time people get up in arms over fake articles"

"An old Jewish man asked me for directions. I didn't really care where he was going, so I told him it was straight on until the third reich."

"Apparently the yellow power ranger died after being hit by a car. ""It's MORPHINE time"" joked one ER nurse, who was later fired."

"Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials? Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights."